Last year was a tough year for us. There were 5 people who we knew pretty well who passed away. Very, very difficult. Last October, my adopted mom died. It was probably one of the hardest things I have ever had to go through in my life Watching her pass away was difficult, but I think the fact that she suffered so greatly made it even worse. I have been with people who have died, but never suffered to that extent. First thing this morning, I received a phone call from a friend whose husband passed away a year ago today. That was the beinning of our bad year last year. He was only 42. He had a massive heart attack at such a young age. We were talking about the year we had last year. I really pray that we have a much better one this year.
Mary was my adopted mom's name and she was diagnosed with leukemia last July. We actually thought she would live quite awhile with it, but it turned into a very fast aggressive leukemia, overnight. She was fine one day and she developed a pneumonia. She went into the hospital and she never came home. She went from the senior floor to the cancer floor, and finally to the palliative floor. They were absolutely amazing. I had never been on a floor where you are sent to die. That is the sole purpose of the doctors and nurses there. They are to help your dying experience be as pain free and stress free as possible. Unfortunately, nothing they did, took her pain away. The more pain medicine they gave her, the worse pain she was in. She had this leukemic bone pain that they say gets them in the core of their bone and nothing touches it. They were right. She could not be touched. At 81, it saddened me that she had to undergo such pain. Her last day, I watched blood form in the corner of her mouth. I ran to get the nurses. They rushed in and started to suction her, but the bleeding got worse. She had no platlettes. She had no ability to clot so bleeding was inevitable. Her lungs filled up. There was nothing they could do. I do not think I have ever felt more helpless. If you see someone suffering, you want to help them. We had to just let it happen. I had to get my daughter who was sleeping in the next room. She did not want to be there when she passed away so I let her sleep. She didnt even want to touch her after she was gone. The funny thing that happened was, we had a balloon tied to the end of her bed. She loved the little Footprints verse. It was so appropriate for what she/we were going through. We all felt that God was carrying us during that difficult time. I simply untied the balloon after her passing and carried it to the car. I had to stop for gas. It was the middle of the night. Out of nowhere, a gust of wind came from the inside of my car and carried the balloon up, up, and away. I mean literally. I looked and did not see it. My daughter got out of the car and she didnt see it either. At first I was mad! "I cant even have that," I said as I slammed the car door. I quickly realized that she needed it. She wanted her balloon. That was the sign that my daughter asked for. She said, "Grandma, when you get to heaven, let us know." She did. That was her way of saying, "I'm here and He is carrying me."
